I was thinking about my blog today, and wondering what to write about.
Something that bothers me a bit is that while I write this blog for everyone, I really do feel called to help grieving parents. The realization came to me that I probably make a lot of people nervous. I mean, my experience is most parents' nightmare. I feel so sorry for everyone I know, really. They know what happened to me and I know it is hard for people sometimes when I share experiences for them.
I have said that I wouldn't wish my experience on my worst enemy if I had one. I also said I pray that no one else has to go through what I went through. I know that seems unrealistic. But I still pray because I believe what Jesus said in Matthew 19:26... Jesus looked at them and said, "For human beings this is impossible, but for God all things are possible." That leaves me with the hope that none of the people I love will ever have to go through my experience.
I am so thankful for my friends and my co-workers (who are also, thankfully, my friends), and for their patience and understanding toward me. I am so grateful that they let me share about Lauren even if they never met her, and they understand my need to keep her memory alive. I am really sorry if it makes people realize that great fear in their own lives.
If I could give other parents any advice on how to deal with that fear, I would. I don't know how to cope with it still. I worry about my son every day like I have since the day I knew he was on the way. I will worry and fret for his safety every day, until I am too old to realize it, or I am gone home. That fear never goes away. Even after losing a child, I still face the same fears every parent faces every day.
All I tried to do with my kids is what I hope every parent does. I taught them about God and His Son. I tried to set as good a Christian example for them as I knew how. I took them to Mass every Sunday, and holy day of obligations, and made sure they made their Sacraments. I prayed for them and tried to shield them from things that would cause sin to come into their lives. I taught them to take responsibility when they did wrong, and how to say they were sorry to the one they hurt and to God.
I know at least some of those things stuck because many people told me of the little acts of love and kindness they experienced with Lauren, and I see the wonderful young man my son has grown into. He is kind to other people and loves his wife and his family and friends fiercely. He gives back to his community when he is able, and has a heart for those who are not as fortunate as he is.
I believe that Lauren is with our Lord now, and I pray that I will one day be there too. For now, I will pray for peace, and for safety and good health for everyone else.