Friday, February 15, 2019

Pity Party Part Deux

I'm retiring this June and I think I am having a bit of a pity party. I don't know if it is just me, or if I am feeling old and useless these days, but I feel like I am a waste of everyone's time at work.

I have been feeling like this for a while now, but yesterday was a great example. I thought I was helping someone, and all they did was reject everything I said and did and act mad at me for basically existing and being there. At least that is how I felt. I finally, out of pure frustration, walked away.

I imagine they feel like I am a burden on them or maybe they think I am just old and they have to tolerate me until I go away,  but as for me, I do not feel like a valuable part of my staff anymore. My thoughts and ideas don't matter and I have nothing to offer. So I have decided not to comment or offer ideas or thoughts on anything. I'll answer when someone speaks, but my days of being a part of the conversation are over, in my opinion.

Just trying to do my work to the best of my ability and then moving on to what is next with my wonderful husband and family.

I will say that the prospect of being singled out for a retirement reception or recognition scares me senseless and brings back feelings of how hard it was to be "in the spotlight" in this small town when my 18-year-old daughter passed away. It is not fun, and I don't like the prospect of it.

I never thought 'd be the old one and people would cease to treat me like I mattered. That is how I feel today, but maybe I am wrong and it is in my head. Pity party Friday.

Thanks for letting me vent, Internet. I feel better now.

I think I will follow that old adage I once learned: "My tongue within my lips I rein, for who talks much must talk in vain."

End of rant, Part 2.