The legacy our Ricey left us

My nephew Ricey left us the other day after a month of sickness and hospital stays. We held out hope that he’d stay here with us, but that was not to be. I’ve been on pins and needles since my great niece Jenny (his oldest daughter) first called me. Since that first call, I have prayed day and night. Jenny stayed by his side and fought the good fight for him. She kept her family informed every step of the way, and for that I am eternally grateful. I call her my little fighter. If you have Jenny on your side, she’ll fight to the death for you. Literally. My great niece Bernie (his youngest daughter) is a tower of strength who knows how to get things organized and going on the right track. She’s a preacher’s wife and her sweet, steady spirit is so calming. The legacy Ricey left us is two beautiful, strong women who are great wives and mothers. They are precious daughters to their mother Ann and treasures to all the rest of this family. 

    Reese is exactly 2 months and 19 days older than I am. His dad was my oldest brother and he was 23 when I came along. They lived with us at the time of Ricey’s and my birth, and everyone in town thought Ricey and I were twins. We were babies together that first year, and then his brother Scott came along and there were three babies in the house all under the age of two for a little while. My brother Andre, who was five at the time, must have wondered how in one fell swoop he was not only no longer the baby of the family, but had three little people to compete with! 

(Warning! Favorite family story!) Once when we were about a year old, our little chihuahua “Minute”bit Ricey, so Ricey bit a chunk out of his tail in return. The dog never bit another living soul for the rest of his life. 

  When my brother moved his family back to California, I lost my two little playmates and I cried and cried. I felt like I had two brothers and a sister (after their sister Cheryl was born) instead of two nephews and a niece. They came back to live with us for a while, and Ricey and I started first grade together in Jonesville. Try explaining how a six-year-old can be your nephew when you are six years old, too!

  They ultimately went back to California and we would visit as often as we could. Any time we were apart, it felt like no time had passed when we got back together again. We played together, laughed together and had the best times together. I can remember watching a magic show on tv and Ricey would exclaim after every trick that he knew exactly how that magician had done that! 

  I decided to go to California to go to college, and it was there that Ricey introduced me to his best friend Richard, who was to become my husband. Ricey was always in awe that his best friend became his uncle. Richard has known Ricey for 52 years and today made me so proud when he gave the eulogy at our nephew’s funeral. He shared his memories of his childhood friend and how much Ricey meant to both of us. 

  We would both get married, have children and grandchildren and see each other at holidays and family dinners, after the family moved back to SC and we moved back to the South. Those times were the best. We’ve shared grief at the loss of family members, joy at weddings or the births of children and happiness at graduations in our family. 

Ricey and his wife Christy came to visit us before we moved from Mississippi. We loved spending that time with them, and it meant more to us than we can begin to share. He texted us often to talk about music that he loved, or to share a photo. We talked to him via video-chat the day before he left us and I know he could hear us, even in his weakened state. He reacted to the sound of mine and Richard’s voices. He left this world knowing how much we loved him. 

  Ricey could do literally anything he put his mind to. He made beautiful pieces of woodwork for his family. People have beautiful wooden benches, crosses, back scratchers, game boards, paint sets and cornhole sets that he fashioned from wood for us. We have family pictures and videos among the family, but those wooden pieces he made are things that truly show his love for his family and his giving heart. Those are family keepsakes that we will always treasure. 

   A little piece of my heart is gone from this earth. A Ricey-shaped hole that no one else can fill. I love you, my twin. 

Bernie, Jenny and me before the funeral. 

My “twin.” 

My brother Maurice, Ricey, Cheryl, my nephew Keith, my mother and me.
I think Ricey and I are about 13.

Cooling off in California: Ricey, Cheryl, unknown neighbor,
 me (standing) and Scott. 

Richard, Scott, Ricey and me a couple of Christmases ago. 

Our Sunday miracle

 Richard and I took a trip last week to Myrtle Beach with my brother and sister-in-law. It’s an annual trip (except for Co-Vid year) and we always look forward to it. 

We flew this year. Not because we cannot make the drive- but because it is so long and tiring. We are toast by the time we get back to our home in Alabama. It was even worse when we lived in Mississippi. It is a long drive to the East Coast from the Mid South, folks. 

We had a great week together and were able to visit all our favorite places. We found some new restaurants that we liked. We got to visit with our great niece Bernie and her family, who live pretty close by and with my lifelong friend, Bobby, who actually lives there. 

Lots of sun and sand, fireworks and shopping. Good for the soul, one might say. 

On Saturday, my brother Andre’ and his wife Susan left after dropping us off at the hotel next to the airport. We were to fly out on Sunday morning. We decided we would go to mass in Myrtle Beach on Saturday evening. We checked our Uber app and found out it would be $37 per way for a 10 minute drive. Well, that was the end of that. We then opted to attend the Spanish language mass at our home church on Sunday, since it was at 5 p.m. We would be just fine with that. 

We had a nice dinner at the mall next to the hotel and got the shuttle to the airport Sunday morning. We flew into Charlotte for a layover. As soon as we got there, we heard an announcement over the loud speaker: “Attention! There will be a Catholic mass in the auditorium in 15 minutes.” We could not believe our ears. We ran over to a ticket counter and asked where the auditorium was, found out it was on the other side of the airport basically and started running. We found the auditorium after hoofing it for the entire 15 minutes and bounded up the stairs where we were met by an elderly deacon who said “Come on in! We’ll wait for you!” 

It was probably the best feeling I have had in a long time to be there with a group of complete strangers celebrating the Eucharist in an airport. Turns out the priest was the chaplain to the Carolina Panthers. He got us in and out in a record 30 minutes. 

We went down afterward to find some lunch and were talking about how in all of our travels, neither of us had ever heard an announcement like that in any airport we have ever been in. It was truly a miracle for us! I think we will both always remember our Sunday miracle in Charlotte Douglas Airport. 

Seawatch Plantation 

Family time with Bernie and Brad

Dinner with our sweet friend Bobby

Yelton/Kerr descendants

Bernie, Brad and Micah

A beautiful cross at Murrell’s Inlet

What I don't like about getting older

 There are probably way too many things to name so I'll just name the ones that really get to me. 

First, the petty ones:

I really hate it when I say "excuse me" to someone out of courtesy (if I have to cross in front of them in a line, if I am in their way, if I accidentally bump into them) and they reply, "You're fine!" What does that even mean? How about, "Oh, no problem.!" or "Thank you!" (woah- I really am old!) 

You can look back at my "Pity Party" posts from when I was working and understand this better. I don't like people thinking a) I'm dumb and clueless; b) I have no idea what is going on in the world; c) I can't do things for myself and d) I know nothing about technology, just because I am older. I thought people were supposed to appreciate the elderly! (Not that I am ELDERLY) 

I'm a walking history book when it comes to the 60's and 70's culture, music, movies, TV and such and young people just don't know about our bands, our shows, our culture. Why should they? They have their own! But the ones who "dis" us like our time didn't matter really get on my nerves. Some of y'all could benefit from learning about us. (Off my soapbox) 

I really wish people would learn how to dress appropriately. I wish men would take pride in their appearance. I guess I am spoiled because my handsome Italian husband never leaves the house unless he's "dressed to the nines" as they say. (even when he's wearing a t-shirt and shorts!) Every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man 🎶 

 I also wish girls/women would show a little more modesty in their dress. You don't have to wear expensive clothes to take pride in your appearance and model that to the young folks. It says something about you and your self-esteem in my old mind. 

Now the ones that are life changing:

Seeing the people (younger than me) getting older and growing up and changing. I like to think of people in a certain way and now... My son will be 40 years old in a couple of years. That is impossible for me to fathom. Lauren is perpetually 18 in my mind and I struggle to think of her as 35 years old. I just can't. 

I see my granddaughters growing up before my very eyes, and I wish they were still the babies they were just a short time ago. I am happy and sad at the same time. It is really bittersweet. That is life, though. I am going to try to really observe and enjoy all of the phases the girls go through. It's a lot easier to do as a grandmother than it was as a mother. 

I don't like all the aches and pains my body likes to annoy me with. I am very grateful that I don't suffer from a lot of health issues. The little things I have are part of aging. I just wish I had taken better care of myself when I was younger, but still I am lucky in the respect that some of my peers really have some bad issues. I am thankful. 

I am trying hard to dress appropriately for my age without looking like I'm a hundred years old. I am not trying to be 25 because I am not, and I probably wouldn't want to be again. I just try hard to be age appropriate and not dowdy. I don't think my son wants his mama to dress like she "shops for her wardrobe at Cracker Barrel," to quote an old friend of mine. (Actually, I have seen some cute things there lately. They have upped their game. It used to be quilted vests and sweatsuits.)  I jokingly told my daughter-in-law Anna to put me away if I started dressing like that, and she said she'd keep her young eyes out for me! (Disclaimer: I am not going to embarrass myself or my son by attempting to wear a bikini!) 

Lastly, I don't like what is going on in our country and in our world. I worry about the kind of world my grand daughters have to grow up in. We are so lucky that they have fantastic parents who are keeping watch on them and a weather eye on the horizon to make sure these girls are being trained up in the church and are getting a good education both at home and in their schools. We're blessed that their other grandparents are salt of the earth, Christian people who carry the same values that we and their parents do. So damn lucky and I am so very grateful for that. I pray for them day and night. 

So I will try to do my part to grow old gracefully. As gracefully as I can. 

What I like about getting older

There are a lot of things I actually like about getting older. Of course, being a grandmother (Mimi) is the best thing. 

Other than that, I like the fact that I no longer worry about wearing fancy shoes. I'm in it for the comfort these days. I've found some really cute flats that feel really good. I don't worry about cute high heels and such, though.

I really like not having to worry about going to work every day. I thought I would miss it, but I actually don't miss deadlines and hassles. I really miss the people I worked with though. They were the best. The college where I worked was one big family, and I miss them and the fun we had. But working? Nope! 

I'm glad that I don't have to worry about dressing for work and also about wearing make up. MAKE-UP! I don't worry about it anymore. (unless I am going to church or somewhere dressed up and I will see people I have known for years) Vanity of Vanities, as they say! Seriously, though I adjusted the amount of make up I wear a while back based on an article I read about women over 60. The last thing I am looking for is to try to look inappropriately young. In other words, I think I would look like a clown at my age. 

But the upshot of it is, I am getting to be ok with who I am and my age in life (FINALLY!) 

The one thing I remember each day is that each day I live is one day closer to when I will be with my Lauren again. I am working hard (and slipping along the way) to make my way to heaven. It is a tough road, folks. I pray I can get there and be with her one day. 

So for now, I will take it one day at a time, enjoy my freedom (from work responsibilities), learn to love my new home and cherish my time with family. 

I got carded this week

I got my Medicare card in the mail the other day. Me on Medicare. Now I’ve been talking about how happy I would be when I got on Medicare, because we’ve had a horrible “bridge” insurance policy since early retirement. It’s almost like you get punished for retiring early. Who can afford so-called “retiree medical” these days? Not us. 

Anyway, now that the card is here, I am facing the fact that I am almost 65 years old. I’m in pretty good health, and I try my hardest not to dwell on the fact that I am not “young” anymore. People always say, “well, you’re young at heart.” I don’t want to be young at heart. Because when I was, I was pretty silly and sometimes, I was quite frankly stupid when it came to decision making, and things of that nature. I think I have come to the conclusion that I am the age I am supposed to be. At least I tell myself that! 

Some days are better than others, when it comes to facing your age. It’s like the loss of a child in that respect. Some days are better than others. 

So now I will pick my “advantage” plan and rest in the fact that I can go to the doctor when I need to and not worry myself to death that we will have to spend a million dollars because we don’t have insurance. Doctor bills give me the frights. I just hate them. I think it is because they make me feel so out of control. 

Retirement is great, but it can make you feel uneasy at times. We are getting used to it, and learning to adjust day by day. 

It wasn’t so bad

Well, I made it through another Mother’s Day! It is unusually hard when Mother’s Day falls on May 9, like it did the day Lauren died. We went to mass on Saturday evening (May 8) and for some odd reason, that day was harder for me than Sunday turned out to be. We slept in on Sunday and made our way to Aaron’s house for lunch. I think being able to see my sweet son is balm for my soul. It is a tough day for the three of us, but when you combine it with Mother’s Day, it really makes it hard. 

Aaron is a great host. He made lunch for the ladies (me, mother-in-law, wife, sister-in-law and daughters) and his dad. We ate outside on the patio, and the weather was perfect. The girls were happy to give us their little hand-made cards, which are precious to their other Grandma and to me, their Mimi. 

After lunch, Aaron made strawberry shortcake and coffee. We opened gifts and they were some of the most precious things I have ever received! I got a Grandmother’s journal to fill out about me so that I can share it back with my girls when I am done. By the time I am finished, hopefully the girls will want to read it. My son gave be a beautiful card and a necklace with his and his sister’s first initials. I loved it. My husband gave me a bracelet that had a story. It talks about how going through a storm and coming out of the rain to some sunshine. That is a perfect thought of what the girls mean to us. They are sunshine after the storm of losing Lauren. We will always have memories and struggle with that storm and the damage it did to us, but we have the sunshine now to brighten our days. 

My daughter-in-law and her mother are two ladies that I am so happy to have in my life. Her mother is a wonderful, Godly woman who has raised two beautiful and talented daughters. I’m thankful that Aaron married into a strong, loving family. His in-laws are just great. We could not have asked for a better family for him to marry into. 

So here are a couple of pictures from a lovely day. 

It’s been awhile...

 Ok, it’s been awhile I know. I am still trying to adjust to retired life I think. Retiring and then moving into a new house and community six months later took a toll on my husband and me I think. Especially when we moved everything ourselves. We had a little help from our son and a couple of friends, but the majority of it was completed by two 60-somethings. Not an easy task, by a long shot. 

I keep doing this don’t I? I write a blog post, stay away a long time, come back and make an excuse as to why I stayed away so long. Even I can see the pattern! All I can say is, I’m working on it. No promises, though. 

Tomorrow is 17 years since our Lauren went home to be with the Lord. I am (once again) on the struggle bus as it were. I guess I am a permanent passenger by this time. Tomorrow we will go to mass and then to our son’s for Mother’s Day. To see him and our girls is all a want for Mother’s Day. I have to hold my head up and enjoy what I have in this world and that is my husband, son, daughter-in-law and grand daughters. And that is more than a lot of folks have, so I will most definitely be thankful. 

Last time I was with Rosemary, my six-year old, she just asked point blank what happened to Lauren. I told her as gently as I could, while reassuring her that dying at 18 was not the rule, but the exception to the rule. I think she was ok with that answer. I don’t want her to worry about that. She did ask me if I would still be her Mimi when I went to heaven. I said, “Of course. I will always be your Mimi and love you with all my heart.” She liked that, I think. She tells me, “I love you, Mimi” uncoerced these days. 

Vivian has a way of comforting you by giving you the best hug any four-year old can offer. She just hangs onto you and lays her sweet head on your shoulder. She doesn’t say a word, just hangs on quietly for a while. She is the best balm for a broken heart. 

We are so grateful to be able to see them more often, and not be so far away from them. We try to help with them as much as we can. Spending time with them means more to us than just about anything else. I know Lauren would be madly in love with them. 

So tomorrow I will concentrate on my family, remembering my Lauren in my heart as I do every day of my life. I’ll pray that when my days finally come to an end, she will be waiting for me. 

Another Christmas without you

Here we are in 2021 and things are still in an uproar in our country and our world. Covid, the election, and what people like to call “social” media, which usually is anything but “social” in my opinion, are the trademarks of the day. The last few days of 2020 were really no better than the first few days of 2021. Still crazy. The only bright spot for a lot of folks was the Christmas holiday, I think (I hope). 

For me, it was just another Christmas without you here. It was our first Christmas in our new home. I had to completely rethink how I would use my Christmas decorations. It was stressful but fun. Downsizing puts a different spin on decorating. I was used to decorating an almost 3,000 sq.ft. home for 23 years, and here was with a closet full of decorations in a 1950 sq. ft.home. It was a challenge, and there were a few things I had to do without. 

The bright spot was being able to have the family come up on Christmas Eve Day to celebrate. The girls were in awe of the little Christmas tree in their room and even helped me take it down when they came to spend the night after New Year’s. Seeing them look at each little decoration and ask questions about where we got them was really wonderful. They loved their daddy’s and Aunt Lauren’s childhood decorations. They love learning things about their dad’s and Lauren’s childhoods. 

After Christmas, we did have my brother and sister-in-law visiting for a few days. It really was wonderful for us. 

Like I have said before, I can be in a stadium with 60,000 other people watching a ball game, and I know that Lauren is not there. I am never complete no matter where I am or what I am doing. I always feel the loss and I know after almost 17 years that I always will. Every holiday is bittersweet. I am so thankful for the blessing of being Mimi to two special little girls who help to fill that void.