Friday, May 13, 2011

The good, the bad and the ugly

This past week and a half has been a roller coaster. Both emotional and physical. We left home to fly to Calif. for our niece's college graduation and visit with family. It was great to be there visiting, shopping and celebrating. Our niece is a beautiful young woman both inside and out. She has grown and matured in a way that makes us so proud. It is bittersweet for us- she really makes us wonder what Lauren would have been like on the cusp of her college graduation. I know that she would have become an accomplished young adult.

Mother's Day was particularly tough for me this year. Although the actual 7th anniversary of her death was not until Monday, May 9, that year it fell on Mother's Day. As someone I was talking to once reminded me, "Oh! If it doesn't fall on Mother's Day, you get to remember it twice." I stopped short of telling this insensitive person that I remember it EVERY day. Anyhow, I think it was being away from home, and our church that made it hard. The good part was I had my son with me. That made it all better. The three of us went to mass at a lovely church where they bought me a rose. The donation for the rose went to pro-life agencies in the area. That seemed appropriate in so many ways. A couple of my good friends told me that they had placed flowers on her grave for me. That touched my heart.

We came home on Monday and I spent a miserable day traveling as I had already gotten sick the night before. We got back into our routine and received some good news during the week. Our Northwest scholarship recipient has been named and she has a tie to our family. Her sister was in our son Aaron's class and her brother was in Lauren's class. I remember her being a little girl running around at the high school ball games as we worked the band's concession stand with her parents. It does me good to know her siblings will tell her about Lauren. The band directors at the high school also let me know that they are now giving a band award in her honor to a student who exemplifies her qualities. We were so honored to hear that! Also, the local Rotary Club gave the scholarship they named in her honor! Lots of people have been remembering our Lauren this week!

We were coming home to Mississippi for the weekend when a song came on the radio. It was "If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys. It was one of the last songs she played for me as we were riding along in her car. It was as if someone had punched me right in the gut. I had to turn it down. As always, I was amazed that something that simple could throw me for a loop. It doesn't seem possible that after this much time has passed , a song or a photo or a trip to her room could just about do me in. I think it is to remind me to cling to my Saviour and to the ones I love the most. To take pleasure in the memories I hold of her in my heart. It jolts me into remembering that even though I am wounded, I am still faithful.

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