That dreaded day

We both knew it would come, but we dreaded it just the same. We knew that one day, we would need to clean out Lauren's room. Our son is married now and has his own home. One day, we will need to have those bedrooms for grandchildren who come to visit.

So we set out last weekend, with the help of our son, to begin that process. We have cried, we have laughed, we have remembered and we have rejoiced. Instead of making us miserable, it has really helped us to rediscover our daughter, and keep her memory where it should be and always will be at all times- in our hearts.

Lauren was a real girly girl. She had more fingernail polish, makeup, hairbows, costume jewelry, purses, shoes and photos than even I remembered. The dominant themes in her room were stars and butterflies. She loved Tinkerbell and Blink 182. She was a big fan of the Godfather movies (her Italian heritage that she really loved), Harry Potter, The Chronicles of Narnia and the Beatles.  She inherited her love for the Beatles from her mom (just like her brother did). She had a million little notes (texting was in its infancy then) from her friends in a little treasure chest. She had prom dresses and school dance dresses. We carefully placed the most important things in bins and sealed them up for safety. We, of course, are nowhere near being through, but we are beginning to see daylight. 

Among all her treasures were some things that gave us great joy and brought us a sense of peace. She had three Bibles among her treasures. Two were teen study Bibles that she had gotten along the way, and one was pretty dog-eared. She had her prayer cards, rosaries and her scapular (which I think came from our friends Bill and Janet Cupo) in her treasures. She loved her Lord and her Catholic faith. 

I jokingly said she might have been a candidate for the show "Hoarders." Of course that's not entirely true, but to us, this is a daunting task. We have given some things to charity. There are things that hold no sentimental value, and we have given them away. 

Whatever we end up doing with her room, we plan to leave some of her things in there as reminders of her. It will always be her room, but as my sweet friend Dawn said, its the natural progression of things- if she were still here, she would have cleaned up her own room and put things away, as our son did when he left home. 

Now her things are put away for her future nieces and nephews to one day enjoy. They will discover their aunt through stories, photos and memories shared by their grandparents and their dad. 

That dreaded day of beginning a painful task has come and gone, and we are able now to handle it a little better. 

And the beat goes on

I've had to talk to a couple of people here lately who have lost children recently. They are still in those first terrible stages - shock, anger, guilt, unspeakable sadness. When I talk to these folks, I try to be honest- I tell them the only thing I can do is hold their hands. No one can make this any better. Time does not heal this wound, and the only thing you can do is remember that you now have a "new' normal and take it one day at a time. It doesn't go away. 

Talking to them is something I feel called to do. I think it is what God expects me to do. But it's tough. I don't think it there will come a time when it isn't tough. I start to remember how I felt and the things that  were hard for me. 

Christmas is always hard. This past Christmas I got an iPad. It started me thinking about all the things that have changed since Lauren died. Social media had not taken off when she passed away. There was MySpace, but Facebook was in its infancy. There was no Twitter, no Instagram and no Pinterest. She never knew what an iPhone, iPad or iPod was.

Thinking about those things brings your loss into sharp relief. No, time did not stand still for the rest of the world like it did for you. The world is still turning and things are moving forward like they always have. 

I don't mean to sound hopeless because I am not. I am only expressing how I feel. God knows my pain and my suffering and the reason why. I just have to trust Him, and I do. 

That's the one thing I try to impress on these poor people, because my faith is what got me through those early days and every day since then. I have to stay strong and I do that through prayer and the support of my family and friends.

God bless those of us in this club that nobody wants to join! 

Trying to make sense of it

This past week has been really tough on most folks in America. The horrible tragedy in Connecticut touched all of us in ways we could not imagine. No one could have guessed that a mere boy, who was  in kindergarten not that long ago himself, could go into an elementary school and murder 20 innocent children. Who could have known that he had murdered his own mother in her bed before he made that dreaded trip to Sandy Hook Elementary School to begin his slaughter? We might have known he would take his own life. That seems to be a growing trend in incidences like these.

This tragedy will be with us for a long time. As soon as I saw President Obama's face on the television, the thought struck me that he looked exactly like President Bush looked on the day of 9/11. The victims were like those in Oklahoma City, in Aurora, in Tucson and the Amish School in Nickel Mines - they were all innocent people going about their daily lives when they met their untimely deaths.

How can we make sense of this? I don't know if I will ever understand how the human mind works. I do believe that there is evil in the world, and that people can become evil and do evil deeds. I do know this: God gives us free will to make our own choices. He allows us to make decisions regarding our lives. Perhaps Mrs. Lanza's decision to try and take care of her son instead of getting him the help he needed was a bad decision. Perhaps she should not have had those guns in the house in such close proximity to her troubled son? Those were my thoughts, as I began to hear about Adam Lanza's troubled existence.

We struggle to find answers. We try to make sense of what happened. We talk about gun control and video games. I believe we have the right, as our Constitution promises, to bear arms. We use guns in our society for protection, for hunting, for competition. I believe we must continue to enforce our laws regarding guns. I grew up in a house with guns and so did my husband and our children. But there were never any accidental shootings and especially none on purpose. That is because we were taught to respect not only the guns, but also the sanctity of human lives.

It was said that Adam Lanza spent countless hours in his basement playing violent video games. I really am ignorant of these games and what they entail, so I really cannot opine on them. I do believe what I read over 20 years ago, however. I read an article that predicted a desensitization of the coming generations due to the graphic violence in movies and television. And that was a long time ago. I worried about my children, and decided it was my job as a parent to control what my children saw. I knew it was impossible to completely shield them from society, so I tried to balance what they saw with reality. I taught them the value of human life.

That comes to my point: I believe what causes many of our problems today is, to coin an old phrase,"the breakdown of the family." We can blame it on working women, divorce or anything else we want, but I believe that no matter what circumstance people find themselves in, if they are good parents, they are good parents.  If their child needs help, they find help for him. They find a way to teach their children right from wrong, to keep them in their sights, and know what they are doing.

God gives us these children for a short amount of time. He allows us to have them so that we can teach them and guide them and love them. We are to show our children the unconditional love God has for us, and discipline them with love. It is our responsibility not to raise them as "friends" but as responsible Christian citizens of this country and this world.

So back to our tragedy- We will not understand Lanza's motive because he has gone to meet his maker now. We must strive to bring comfort to those who have suffered loss, through prayer and support. We must vow to value each human life and teach the coming generations to value life also.

The Hebrew prophet Micah writes: "Ah! you plotters of iniquity, who work out evil on your beds! In the morning light you carry it out for it lies within your power."  That verse really hits home, doesn't it? 

My "Advent"ure with Mary

My husband loves Christmas more than anyone else I have ever known. He will start listening to Christmas music as early as October, and watching Christmas movies as soon as he can. It's not that he wants Christmas gifts- he just simply loves Christmas.

I love Christmas too.  But, I think I love Advent even more. I love thinking about Mary, and how the angel visited her to tell her she was to have a son. I have always wondered if she felt confused and lonely, and unsure as to her future. The great thing about Mary to me is how she blindly trusted God and let him take control.  Every year I try to remember and reflect upon how her faith and obedience to God's plan for her became his ultimate plan for us all.

I know what others say about how we "worship" her, and nothing could be farther from the truth. We revere her - God revered her too. He chose her to be mother of his son. She was the one that was chosen out of every woman who ever lived to be the mother of his son. How can we not give her our love and respect?

My journey with Mary began long before I converted to Catholicism. Even as a child growing up in a Southern Baptist home, I always wondered why we only talked about her at Christmas. I almost got in trouble once when I was about 6 years old because of my little "devotion" to Mary.

We were in a Sunday School assembly right around Christmas in my little hometown church and the preacher came in to visit. He gave us an opportunity to ask questions, and it was the opportunity this shy little girl was waiting for. I innocently asked why we never mentioned Mary except at Christmas, and even though I have no recollection of how he answered me, I do remember feeling that I had brought up an uncomfortable issue.  Instead of making me forget her, it made me more interested in her.

Somehow, I got a statue of Mary when I was a kid. When I think of it now, I realize it is something of a mini-miracle. I was in a tiny town in South Carolina with no Catholic church and especially no Catholic  gift shop anywhere near me.  But I had that statue in my room for the longest time. I just looked at her and thought about how special she must have been to be the mother of the son of God.

Of course, now I realize God was preparing me for my conversion to Catholicism. I know he knew already that I would meet and marry an Italian Catholic boy and I would convert with my first child, my son, in my womb.

He knew I would need his Mary in my life when I faced my hardest trial. She lost her child and so did I.  Her loss became our gain. Because of her loss, I will see my child again.

"Savior of the nations, come; Virgin's Son, make here your home. 

Marvel now, both heav'n and earth, That the Lord chose such a birth.

Not by human flesh and blood, by the Spirit of our God

Was the Word of God made flesh, Mary's offspring, pure and fresh.

You, the Father's only Son, Have o'er sin the vict'ry won. 

Boundless shall your kingdom be; When shall we its glories see? 

Brightly does your manger shine; Glorious is its light divine.

Let not sin o'er cloud this light; Ever be our faith thus bright. "

Are we meaner than we used to be?

I'll be so glad when this election is over, and I almost feel the same way about football season at this point. It seems that politics and football bring out the worst in people. I cannot believe some of the ugly and personal remarks I have witnessed both on television and on social media this political season. It seems some people think social media gives them license to just be mean-spirited about the person they oppose. Never mind the issues, just trash the person.

It is not right, in my book. Gone are the days when people really sought to educate themselves on the issues, and discuss them rationally. We should really know what we are voting for when we go into that booth. It is vital that we look past the party and the personality, and try to discern the man or woman we think will represent us best in our state and in our nation.

Same goes with football. People are so mean about other people's teams. I am a great believer in rivalries. I think it is healthy and American to have sports rivalries. Haven't we seen enough already with two dead trees, and a so-called "fan" who is now a registered sex-offender for behaving like a jerk after the national championship? You even see little league parents getting into fist fights at their children's games.  I'm sure there are countless other examples, but these were fresh in my mind.

I read the news daily about children being abused, tortured and killed by strangers and even their own parents, in some cases. There are "gone missing" cases every day and our children are being bullied to the point of suicide.

We as Christians are called to show Christ to others in our lives. As Catholics, we are taught to "be Christ" to others. I try not to say too much on Facebook and Twitter about politics, although I do post about my favorite football teams!

Maybe someone might call me a chicken, for not stating my opinion on politics. I will say this, I am a Catholic and a Christian, and as such, I am pro-life. So my voting is very influenced by that issue. I believe in taking care of the poor and marginal, which is what my faith teaches. I try to be as Christ to all, and fall short every day of my life. But I try.

I pray that we as a society, will return to some sense of decorum and integrity. I hope we can learn to love each other, but if not, I hope we can at least respect each other's right to our own opinions, and learn to tolerate our differences.

Peace of Christ.

Aaron's birthday poster for 2012

This week, my precious son Aaron turns 29. He is such a joy to his father and me. We are both SOOO proud of the man he has become. Like his father, he works hard and like his father is to me,  he is a wonderful husband to our sweet daughter-in-law, Anna. Aaron had a great example in his father of what a Christian husband should be, and he is following that example daily.

I remember clearly the day he was born. He came on his due date, which I am told is rare for a first baby. I have forgotten the labor, and any pain I may have experienced. I only remember the first time I laid eyes on the precious baby God had given me. We spent our maternity leave together in our little apartment in Downey, CA where we lived when Aaron was born. I sang to him and read to him every day, and I will never forget those first days we had together.

We had a little old black and white TV we had gotten from my older brother. The dial was broken so you had to change it with a pair of pliers. Aaron laughs every time we tell that little family story. His dad brought home a rented color television so we could watch all the Christmas specials and movies that year.

Aaron was joined by his sister when he was 2 years and one month old, and he loved her fiercely until the day she died.  He was her champion and her very best friend, and he loves as much today as the day she was born. Being Aaron, he has been a source of comfort and support for his mom and dad in the days since we lost our beloved Lauren. Our little family unit was always strong and tight, and has remained that way, even through our grief.

My two favorite boys. 

Aaron was a typical boy, rambunctious and full of vim and vigor, but always, always a great joy to us. He really never gave us any trouble at all. He has made us prouder than I can get across to him. I can't tell him enough. Graduating from Ole Miss and embarking on his career and into marriage, he has shown himself to be everything we ever hoped he would be. He is a very talented musician (which he gets from both sides of his family) and he loves music and sports.

When Aaron was a little boy, I always surprised him with a little hand-made "Happy Birthday" poster on the refrigerator. It would say, for example, "Happy 9th (or whatever year it was) Birthday, Aaron!" and I would decorate it to the best of my limited ability. (I am certainly NOT an artist!) He would always look forward to that. I haven't been able to do that in the past few years since he has lived away from home, so this is his "Birthday Poster" for this year.

So, "Happy 29th Birthday, Aaron!" We love you more than words can convey...

One of my favorite pictures of Aaron and me. Cotton Bowl 2009

October surprise

October started off with a big surprise for us! Lauren's sweet childhood friend Brittany and her husband Job had a baby girl and honored us by naming her Lauren Grace.  We were so humbled and honored by her choice. We are so excited to meet her soon! 

Job and Brittany are very special to us for many reasons. When we moved to Senatobia, our son Aaron was in 8th grade, and Lauren was in 5th grade. They were not happy about moving again, and let us know about it. We had moved to Memphis 3 years earlier, and they had adjusted to that move, and now here we were moving again! We wanted land and to build our family's "dream house" and Senatobia was the place we had chosen to do it. 

Aaron and Lauren made friends the first day they went to school in Senatobia. Aaron met his lifelong friend Gene, and Lauren met her lifelong friend Brittany! After a week, they were completely at home. Lauren and Brittany seemed to be inseparable after just a short amount of time. Brittany spent a lot of time in our house, and Lauren in her house. 

Aaron and Job became friends later in high school (they went to different schools) and ended up as college roommates at Northwest. Lauren and Brittany were still in high school, but Lauren had it in her mind that Job and Brittany should meet. She felt like their Christian values, their outlook on life, and just their personalities in general would make them a smart match. Aaron was not so thrilled at first. He didn't think his friends should date Lauren's friends. But Lauren (in her quiet little way) persisted until Aaron finally agreed. Job and Brittany hit it off, and THEY were inseparable! 

Brittany got her degree in nursing and Job began to pursue a divinity degree to become a preacher. 

Their journey as a married couple began after Lauren died. They honored Lauren at their wedding with flowers, and a sweet mention in their program. They had a son Reid, and when they discovered they were pregnant again, they decided not to find out what the baby was beforehand. 

Brittany called me the morning of Oct. 3 to tell me the baby was here and what her name was! I was overwhelmed. 

Last week was a great week. I spent Monday with our scholarship recipients and then found out about Lauren Grace. We feel very blessed to have these wonderful folks in our lives.