Navigating the Co-Vid Blues

When we moved to our new home in January, we never expected a pandemic to hit. We were looking forward to engaging in some activities at our new church and getting acclimated to our new town.

When the “shutdown” happened, we were thrown for a loop. We didn’t like not being able to go to mass and having to watch online. We longed to be able to receive the Eucharist in person. I will admit, I cried the first few times we watched online. When we were finally able to go back on Mother’s Day (which I considered a gift from Lauren) I didn’t care that we were outside and wearing a mask. As a matter of fact, masks don’t really bother me at all. We have been able to go to mass since then, and mask or no mask, nothing has made me happier.

It has been a heartbreaking experience for us, our kids who are trying to navigate working from home with the girls, and for our whole country. I hate seeing how all the small businesses have been affected, how people have lost their livelihoods and how much depression and suicide have escalated... I can’t stand how divided our country has become.

We have had some blessed moments. We had our Mother’s Day celebration at the kids’ house and it was wonderful. Vivian did her dance recital piece for the family and it was precious. We have had the kids a couple of days now to help out their parents, and that makes us happy. We want to be part of their young lives, and moving closer is really paying off. We had a get together for my daughter -in-law’s family that was a wonderful success.

In early July, around the time of our 38th wedding anniversary, we were able to take a trip to Florida with our kids. It was a great and much needed trip! So while having to miss Aunt Mary’s 90th birthday in Las Vegas in May was terrible, the trip with the kids was good.

We had my brother and sister in-law visiting us and my other sister in law came over too!

We are just trying to navigate the Co-Vid blues, just like everyone else.

You do what you gotta do

Quarantine sucks. There I said it. Not being able to go to church, restaurants and stores is really not fun. Especially when we just missed the whole Holy Week and Easter celebrations. We had a trip to celebrate my husband’s aunt’s 90th birthday with his whole family set and that is off. We had a trip to the beach with my brother set and that is off. The world has turned into a crazy place. We can’t see friends, we have to stay 6 feet apart and have been wearing masks when we do go out. What on earth is going on? I have no answers to those questions, I just go along with the program.

On the plus side, we have gotten to spend time with the kids and grand kids. I think I would have gone crazy if not for that. We go walk at the park almost every day, so we are getting fresh air and exercise. We are pretty well settled in our new home and community. We like it here, and especially our church and our proximity to the kids. It has been good.

I still struggle with what Lauren might think about all this, but I feel like she would have been happy for us. I really do. I have to explain to everyone we meet that we lost a child, etc. but I am pretty used to that.

So, my excuse for not blogging? I have none.

So here are some pics that have made me pretty happy here lately.

All masked up at Lowe’s 

Easter Day! 

Took baths before our trip back home. 

Easter Egg hunt finds. 

Hard times are not forgotten...

It’s been a tough month so far. There have been wonderful things, and some not so easy things.

We celebrated Rosie’s 5th birthday this time. I am still in shock that she is already that big. We stayed with the kids for the birthday celebration, and when we are there, we sleep in Rosie’s room. That morning she popped up out of bed and said, “Mimi! It’s my birthday! I’m 5 years old!” She ran over to my bed and jumped in my arms to be held and cuddled. Those moments make life worth living.

We are getting ready to move closer to our kids, and I have been going through pictures again. I have a couple of picture projects brewing in this busy head of mine, and I know I will get them done as soon as it is possible. I found a picture of Lauren where she is wearing a beautiful red bow shaped like a rose in her hair. She and I both loved that bow so much.

I was cleaning out my nightstand and there it was... that beautiful bow. Seeing it in her hair on the photo and then seeing it in my hand was too much for me. Like I have described before, it is like being stabbed in the heart. I hurt all over and broke down crying. I know it is part of this whole process, but it does not make it any easier.

Sometimes I find myself saying things I should not say- something stupid or inappropriate for the situation I am in, and I just don’t know how it happens. I said something and immediately apologized and I think I was forgiven, but I couldn’t forgive myself so easily. I need to work on doing that better. In the scheme of things, it was just a stupid remark, but I hurt myself so deeply, because I felt so bad.

So I will concentrate on my sweet girl’s birthday, and how much I love them both. They are healing for me, as I have said before.

My sweet girls o their family birthday celebration. 

We love our big girl! 

It’s hard to say

I know I need to blog something, but I can’t think of anything to say. I am at a loss for words. Some days I can write and write, and other days I just can’t think of a thing to say.

We went to the wedding recently of Chloe, a young woman who had lost a brother and a sister. I did not know Jessica, her older sister, but she died in 2008, the year before I met TJ, her older brother. He was one of the students in our program where I work. TJ was a wonderful young man, and was destined to be a brilliant writer and journalist. He served as our college newspaper editor and was a great student and became a good friend. 

TJ never was able to get over his sister’s death I don’t believe. His loving parents tried their best to take care of him, but TJ ultimately died of an overdose. I had seen him a month before. He asked me for a letter to help with a job and he came into our office. I talked to him for at least and hour. He seemed happy and ready to move forward with his life. In a few weeks, he was gone. It was the last time I ever spoke to him. My heart was broken for Cholie and for her parents. 

We have become closer over the years and have comforted each other as best we can. His parents love their new son-in-law (a wonderful young man) and I am praying that they will be blessed with grandchildren like I have been. We were so glad to be a a part of the wedding celebrations, and to see some joy brought to this wonderful family. 

This photo of TJ at the wedding caught my eye and my heart. Rest well, sweet boy. 

“Her name is Lauren”

This past weekend, we made a trip to Orange Beach, Ala for our son’s 35th birthday. It was us, our son and daughter-in-law, granddaughters, our son’s mother and father-in-law and our daughter-in-law’s sister. The weather was perfect and we had a wonderful time as a family!

We spent time at the beach relaxing and just bonding as a family. I think Rosie and Vivian had a wonderful time having their whole family together. We usually do not get down to see them at Halloween each year, but there was a Halloween festival nearby and we got to see the girls wear their costumes and trick or treat. That was a treat for us!

Richard and I went to mass in a beautiful church called “St. Thomas by the Sea.” We had some lovely dinners out and last night we celebrated our son’s birthday at a wonderful restaurant and then went back home to open his presents and eat a birthday dessert.

Little Vivian, our two-year-old was toddling around holding her baby doll. I asked her, “What’s your baby’s name, Vivi? She looked right at me and said matter-of-factly, “Her name is Lauren.” Her grandpa and mom and dad and I were completely shocked and humbled. I know she has heard us mention her aunt’s name, and she knows her sister’s middle name is Lauren (named after her aunt and our daughter) but I had no idea it had stuck with her.

I think it must have been a gift for us. I believe God was letting us know our Lauren is still with us. It was the best gift I have had in a long time, and it refreshed my weary soul.

Here are a couple of pictures from our wonderful weekend.

Our Tinkerbell and Wendy Darling

Happy Birthday!

Family!

Just been out of sorts a bit lately

Getting old is the pits. There I have gone and said it. And not only getting old, but struggling with my new found friend Hashimoto's has made me feel out of sorts for the last few months. I have had hypothyrodism for several years, and have now been diagnosed with Hash'is. I also have another "friend" who causes me a bit of aggravation, and that is my elevated left  hemi-diaphragm.

This whole mess started when I went to a "wellness" visit last December. They saw something on my chest X-Ray that caused them to pull me aside and put me in a room where being frightened out of my wits, I thought I must be dying. I have been to a pulmonologist (lungs are fine) who sent me to a bariatric surgeon, because she was convinced I had a hiatal hernia and my intestines were stuck up in my diaphragm. The bariatric surgeon sent me for some (awful) tests which determined I had no hiatal hernia, but I do have moderate acid reflux (which I knew and was being treated for already). Now the bariatric surgeon has sent me to a thoracic surgeon, who I will see at the beginning of August. He'll talk to me about my elevated diaphragm and what can or cannot be done about it. The diaphragm causes me to be short of breath a lot of the time, and I am even prepared to tell him when I think it happened. In the midst of all of this my endocrinologist is monitoring my thyroid, which has some small nodules on it apparently. And to think, I knew none of this until I went to a wellness visit. SIGH.

I have been trying to keep my head up and ask God for grace, wisdom and understanding (not patience) throughout this whole ordeal. I could be a lot worse off, and I know that. The Hashi's makes me hyper-sensitive at times, where I get my feelings hurt easily or get angry about stupid things very  quickly. One Facebook group I am in has helped me tremendously - I hear other people relate the same things. I am trying to maintain my diet and exercise regimen. I don't get too caught up in all of the different diets and do and don’ts because it stresses me out too much. Since I was diagnosed with Hashi's I have cut back on gluten and carbs, and have lost about 12 lbs. 

Being hypersensitive is not good for grieving mothers. I have cried more in the last 6 months than I have in forever. Most days, I feel like I cannot express myself without making someone mad, or hurting someone's feelings or just feeling like it is the end of the world. I am not depressed, I just feel overly sensitive most of the time. For me, this is really hard, because I have always been sensitive, especially if I thought I hurt someone. I worry about that more than just about anything. I have always hated conflict, and I think I always will. 

I recognize my own ability to overcome that feeling by focusing on the positive, praying and getting up and out of my routine. Walking and praying seems to be a good cure. I think I have prayed the Our Father, Hail Mary and the Fatima Prayer more in the last six months than I ever have. 

I am hoping to get the diaphragm issue resolved one way or the other in August. I'll either get it fixed (if it is not too invasive) or live with it. The Hashi's is here to stay. You just have to manage it. 

"Do not be saddened this day, for rejoicing in the LORD is your strength!”

Mini-pilgrimage to the Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament

Last week, my husband Richard and I went to a place I have wanted to go to for years. The Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament in Hanceville, Alabama is a beautiful place that was built by Mother Angelica (founder of EWTN) and is located next to the Monastery of the Poor Clare Nuns of Perpetual Adoration. If you can, look up the website or Facebook page. Richard and I had a wonderful and peaceful time at this lovely place. 
There is a wonderful gift shop, and a lovely chapel called the "Creche" that tells the story of the Nativity. 

You forget you are in Alabama, or even in the U.S. It really made Richard and me want to go back to Rome. 

My big baby girl

President’s Day was a long weekend for us so we went to visit the grand babies and their parents. (You notice I am thinking more and more like a grandparent.)

Anyway, visiting with them always does our hearts good, and this time Rosemary (our 3 year old) was not feeling great, and was struggling with a little cold, but other than that, all was well.

I started to realize just how grown up Rosie is. I feel like sometimes I am a little behind in realizing how they are maturing. Vivian is in that stage where she loves to hang on to me. When we got to their day care, I waved at her through the window in the door, and she nearly broke her neck getting to me. She got in my arms, laid her little head on my shoulder and did not move all through us going to the gym where Rosie was playing, visiting Rosie’s class for a “tour” and getting to the car. She wasn’t asleep, she just wanted Mimi to hold her.

Rosie, on the other hand, is Miss Independent right now. I used to be sad that she didn’t ask to be held or come up and hug me all the time like she did when she was smaller, but once I relaxed, she came to me on her own time. She gave me a hug and kiss when we got there, but she is her own little person and likes to be independent. She is dressing herself, and putting on her own shoes. I am so proud of her.

Now if I am sitting on the couch, Rosie will come up and climb onto my lap while watching TV. She wants to be close to me I think, but when she wants to. I love that she is growing and maturing, but I will always miss her being my first grand baby.

She is so sweet, that when she brought down her own little dress up costume from her closet, she thought to bring one for her sister too. When they changed costumes the next day, Vivian ran out and got her own.

She really does show an incredible amount of patience with her baby sister  to only be 3 herself.

I’m going to do with these two what I TRIED to do with my own: Enjoy all of their phases!

I couldn't find any purple flowers

Usually I try to put flowers for the liturgical season on Lauren's grave. I had some fall flowers with leaves and acorns that I put there in the beginning of October and thought, "I'll get some purple flowers for Advent."

Now Advent is pretty short this year for some reason. I thought I had plenty of time, but with folks coming for Thanksgiving, work, church, gym and football season, I let it get away from me.

I live in a small town with limited access to artificial flowers. I thought I was being smart by getting her Christmas flowers when they first came out. No purple flowers in either store I looked in at the beginning of Advent, though.

For some reason, this is bothering me. I know it is not important in the scheme of things, but I feel like I have let her down.

I'll make sure I get her flowers for Lent.

You won't believe this!

It has been a long time since I have worked on my blog. There are a few reasons for that, but the primary one was that I did not have an available computer at home. My old Mac from 2007 finally bit the dust. You can turn it on, but typing is another story!

I had an iPad, but no keyboard attached to it. Finally, last week, my iPad got dropped and it would not work anymore. RT (my husband) bought me a brand new iPad and got me a keyboard to go with it! So I am really back this time. We have a nice computer upstairs, but I don't want to get up there and leave RT downstairs alone watching tv. We really do enjoy our time together after work every evening, watching our movies and hanging out together. Now that I have this new little toy of mine, I can truly say I am back.

About a week ago, a priest friend of mine suggested a book for me to read, and I am really excited! We just finished watching A.D. The Bible Continues (which incidentally was syncing up with our daily readings this year) and I discovered that I really wanted to read about the early church fathers. I love the book of Acts, and am fascinated with the travels of the Apostles and other early Christians and how the gospel was spread. I find the story of Peter, the prince of the Church fascinating. I find the story of Paul, who some say is the greatest apostle, fascinating. I have figured out that my faith is still being formed, even at my age.

The book that was recommended to me is "From Age to Age: How Christians Have Celebrated the Eucharist" by Edward Foley, a Capuchin. My friend felt that reading this book, which is about the "source and summit" of our faith, would be a good way for me to begin my journey.

We are coming up on the 12th anniversary or our daughter's death. It is a hard time of the year for us, and it really doesn't get easier. Recently, I have said that our sweet granddaughter Rosemary has put little pieces of our hearts back into place again. Just being with her brings us such joy! Now we have another little sweetheart on the way! In late July, we are expecting another sweet little girl, whose name will be Vivian.

Pray for us as we face this tough week leading up to the anniversary. Believe this!

Our Lawrence

This past Thursday, my sister-in-law called to tell me that a sweet wonderful man from my home county had died. His name was Lawrence Price, and he was a part of our extended family. His daughter Angie married my nephew Keith probably around 1979. I got to know Lawrence and his wife Shirley and their two young sons when my nephew started dating Angie.

From the first day I met him, I loved him. You couldn't help but love him. He accepted my family as a part of his family straight off the bat.

Lawrence was one of those guys who, as Southerners like to say, "Never met a stranger." He always had a smile on his face and a story to tell.  As years went by, I realized that the light that shone from Lawrence was the light of Christ.

When Lauren was a baby, probably about a year old, she was what my husband liked to call, "mommified." She clung to me and really didn't want anybody to hold her except me, most of the time. Around that time, we took a family vacation to visit my family in South Carolina. During that visit, Lawrence and family came to a family dinner and a miracle happened! My shy baby girl, who would never go to a stranger let Lawrence not only hold her, he carried her around all over my nephew's yard, talking gently to her and making her giggle. She loved him for the rest of her life.

Over the years, she would go straight to him and give him a big hug. He was devastated when she died. The other night, I thought how sweet it must have been when she saw him again.

Lawrence stood strong as a rock through the deaths of my nephew and many other family members. He coached at least 3 generations of Dixie Youth baseball in my home county. He worked as a prison guard for many years, and was even loved by the inmates he served there, primarily because he treated them with respect. He loved the Carolina Gamecocks, so much so, that you rarely ever saw him without a USC hat or shirt on. He served his church faithfully, and loved his wife, children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren fiercely.

Saturday morning, I listened to a streaming broadcast of my hometown radio station. They were playing a tribute to Lawrence. I learned a lot about a man I had known for years. I learned that practically everybody in my home county knew him and loved him. I found out that he was a regular on the station's SportsTalk show, and that he had never coached a championship team, but he had coached an All-Star team and that he was in the Dixie Youth (I think) Hall of Fame.
When they signed off, they played the Gamecock Fight song. Perfect.

I talked to Angie the other night after I heard the news. I said to her that there was no telling how many people's lives her dad had touched. I saw a quote from Jack Kerouac that reminds me of Lawrence: "Be in love with your life. Every minute of it." He did, and all who knew him are better because of it.

Lawrence Price

Manic May

May was a crazy month this year. We observed the 10th anniversary of Lauren's death. There were reminders of our grief, fun times with family and friends, graduations, weddings, a conference and a trip to the beach. During all of the craziness, there was one evening that really touched me.

A young man in our parish is working on his Eagle Scout project, and he decided to refurbish our grotto. He enlisted the help of church members, his family and others to help in the project. He raised money for the project and the results were spectacular. 

Fr. Greg Schill, SCJ rededicated the grotto one lovely evening last month. For Catholics, the month of May is special. It is the month in which we honor the Blessed Mother. At the beginning of the month, the children crown our beautiful statue of Mary and we sing a song for her at each mass. 

I had the pleasure of photographing the rededication. One of the photos I took really touched me once I saw it. As we were getting ready for people to arrive, I was photographing the grotto and took this photo of Fr. Greg as he prepared himself for the service.

It seems as though the Blessed Mother is watching over him. I feel like she watches over us all. She knows my grief first hand, and I find great comfort in her example of humility and her willingness to be a servant. 

You can view the other photographs on our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/StGregorySenatobia. It is in our photo albums. 

I can take care of myself. (I just don't want to)

This past Monday I had an eye-opening experience. I found out I can take care of myself. I just don't want to. 

I had gone down to Birmingham over the weekend for the "gender reveal" party of my granddaughter! Yes, I am going to be a grandmother to a lovely little girl! 

I was driving back to Mississippi when I drove right into tornado-ridden Tupelo. 

I had driven through Alabama with the sun shining and as soon as I got close to the Mississippi border the bottom fell out and I was in the worst rain I had ever seen. I muddled through, praying every prayer I knew. 

As I approached Tupelo, I saw that the highway I was on was completely deadlocked ahead of me. I took the "last chance exit" and got off the road and went to a gas station to fill up my truck. I asked someone for another route to get back home, but every road out of there was either deadlocked, or there was debris in the road. I was stuck. 

I was supposed to be meeting my Catholic Association students for our end of the year dinner, but that was not to be. I called our priest to tell him and he suggested I go back to the hotel I had passed earlier. I turned around and headed to the hotel. I went into a lobby full of hysterical people who couldn't get anywhere. I went to the desk to see if I could get a room, but the system was down and I was put on a waiting list. I told the man I would wait in the lobby all night if I had to.

 I was not about to go to the shelter they had opened, because I knew I could afford a room, and the people who needed a shelter had nothing. I wouldn't think of taking a bed there.

I went to the restaurant and ordered a small dinner, and was talking to my husband on the phone, and the next thing I knew he had gotten me a room! He'd called on his own, using his points card and taken care of me (like he has for 31 years!) 

I got a shower and went to bed to pray and stay in contact with my son, daughter in-law and husband, who were in the midst of bad weather. Everyone got through it ok, and the next morning, I got up and talked to a man from the Red Cross, found a road back home and made it back to work. 

It was a scary situation, but with God's help I got through it. I have prayed for the folks who lost lives, loved ones, and property. I have thanked God for being home safe. 

I know now I can take care of myself if I have to. I just don't want to. 

She's back!

Well, here I am again, apologizing for not blogging. I keep stopping and starting and then stopping and starting again. But I keep trying, and I am trying again.

So it says in Proverbs 13:4, "The appetite of the sluggard craves but has nothing, but the appetite of the diligent is amply satisfied."  (I hope they aren't talking about food, what with all the New Year's Resolutions flying about.)

I think it really applies to me and my blog, though. I tell myself all the time I need to write, and then I don't so what do I have to show for it? NOTHING. Then I sit down and get "diligent" about it and I have something that makes (at least) me happy. It's therapeutic to me, and I refuse to do it from time to time. I'm not making any promises, but I do have a heart to try.

Our fall this year was super busy. We have season tickets at Ole Miss and tailgate with our friends every game. We've been doing that for years. After working all week, we cook for Saturday games on Friday night. We were not among the lucky ones who got parking on campus this year, so that meant we had to get there super early to park in Oxford as close as we could. Then we had to "drag" all our stuff to the Grove. This year, some lovely people decided to steal our tent and all our chairs. I hope they are enjoying the tent my husband and our friend David had to fix with duct tape.

This football season, we had a lot of fun taking David to his first Ole Miss game for his 40th birthday. He had a blast and seeing him happy made me happy! He is going to an Ole Miss basketball game with us in January. We will have a great time, I know.

I also got the chance of a lifetime at one of our games. I met one of my personal heroes, Lino Rulli (The Catholic Guy). He and his college buddies pick one college game to go to each year, and this year he chose Ole Miss.  I've been listening to him every day for almost 5 years on SiriusXM's Catholic Channel.

I can say with complete honesty that I have learned more about my faith from this crazy guy from Minnesota than I learned in the first 25 years I have been in the Church. It's ridiculous I know, but it's true. (He does have a Master's in Theology). He has three Emmys and several other awards to his credit, and delights in making fun of the size of his own nose, and his own shortcomings. He is charming and genuine in person, and to spend a few minutes with him made me so happy!

We ran full steam at work from September to December with football games, concerts, a play, a two scholarship receptions, homecoming and just everyday campus events to cover.

I am playing at mass again so throw in Advent, Holy Days, Guadalupe (had to learn 4 songs in Spanish) and Christmas and you've got one tired girl.

So I am not making excuses for not writing, because there is no real excuse. I am endeavoring to do better in 2014. I don't like to make resolutions, I like to try each day to reach the goals I have set for myself, and that's what I intend to do this year. Just try to do the things I think God wants me to do.

My friend David and me in the tent before the game.

After emailing all day, Lino and I met in front of the Union.

Reflections on Rome (1 year later) and other things...

Wow. It's hard for me to believe it has been a whole year since my husband and I spent our anniversary in Rome. I still look longingly at our pictures and wish I was back there again. I do vow to go back one day, and he has come to grips with that I think.

I don't know exactly what happened to me when I was there, but I grew so much in my faith in the months leading up to the trip and since then, I don't quite know how to explain it. Now that is not to say I am anywhere NEAR where I really need to be faith-wise. Far from it. But I think learning about the travels of the apostles and the early Christians there in Rome and then going to the places St. Peter and St. Paul walked and where they lost their lives for the faith really left a profound impression on my soul.

I have busied myself since my trip watching every documentary and movie I can get my hands on about the apostles and the saints. I love the stories and have really enjoyed learning as much as I can. That is a never-ending process, however, I have discovered. I think I have exhausted Netflix and I'm going to have to look elsewhere for some more. I really would like to learn more about St. Augustine, St. Thomas Aquinas, and a plethora of the other saints I have not yet studied.

I haven't written in a while, so I really feel like I should talk about the other things that have been going on. Last I wrote, I was talking about Eric, who we lost in a horrible accident at the end of July. It really affected our little town and the people who loved him.

About a week after Eric died and was buried, I went to the cemetery to visit Lauren's resting place, as I do about twice or three times a month. I usually place purple and lavender flowers on her gravesite in August, in honor of her brother and sister-in-law. They had those colors in their wedding two years ago, and I did that then. Aaron and Anna seemed to like that idea, so a little tradition was born.

Anyway, I knew Eric was buried in the same graveyard, and I had heard that he was close to Lauren, but when I got there I discovered he is literally next to our family plots. I saw his wife Angie and daughter Christie a few weeks later and when I remarked on that, Christie smiled and said, "We chose that spot to be close to Lauren on purpose." Wow. That really blew me away. I visit him and my sweet little friend Hanna's baby son Hayden, who is also nearby, every time I am there. I know that those families visit Lauren too. It does me good to know that for some reason.

I had the opportunity in August to share with the Northwest Foundation board about Lauren's scholarship. One of Lauren's favorite teachers and her principal are both members of the board. I was thrilled to talk to them and tell her story to those who did not know her, and just to let them know, from the donor's standpoint, how much those scholarships mean to us. It was a great honor to be asked to do that. Our foundation does such great work and to be able to help a student in our daughter's name is very healing for us.

It is time for our scholarship ceremony and reception next Monday. We have a wonderful young man, Michael Wooten, as our recipient this year. He is a drummer who is studying Automotive Technology at the college. He was so happy to get the scholarship. I met him the day he got it and he told me he had seen Lauren's picture in the band room at school. He is really a snare drummer, and when they told him they needed him to play bass drum instead, he was happy to do so. Great kid. So we'll sit with him and get to know him, and tell him what a wonderful girl our Lauren was.

Michael and me at the band's debut "on the lawn" this August. 

Message from a friend...

I had a message from my friend Rick today. We knew each other before he suffered the loss of his Kayla, but became much closer after her tragic accident.

Just like us, Rick and his wife had two beautiful children. We had known each other professionally, but not personally. When I heard about Kayla, I wrote a letter to Rick and ever since then, we have become very good friends. We see each other at events pretty regularly. I have only had the chance to meet his lovely wife once, but Richard and I see Rick pretty often. 

The message he sent me was about a mutual friend of ours who lost his battle to cancer today. It just so happens that this gentleman, who was Rick's friend, married a good friend of mine two years ago. My friend had mentioned to me in passing that her new husband lost his young son in a car accident, but it had happened more than 20 years ago. I never got a chance to talk to my friend's husband, and I always wanted to. 

Rick had visited our friend the day before he died. He did not know whether I knew about his having lost a son so long ago. His words were simple, but profound. "A reunion has occurred." 

A reunion has occurred. Wow. I replied that I was jealous of that reunion and I am. I told him that my longing for heaven is sometimes overwhelming to me. Then I remember my son and daughter-in-law and my husband and chide myself for being selfish. 

I think it is selfishness on my part to some extent, but I think it is also the longing of every Christian to go home to be with the Lord.  

St. Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 5:2 “For in this tent we groan, longing to be further clothed with our heavenly habitation.”

He continues, “So we are always courageous, although we know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yet we are courageous, and we would rather leave the body and go home to the Lord.” 2 Corinthians 5: 6-8.

This weekend I will try to console my friend in her loss. Although she was only married for a couple of years to this man, I had never seen her happier. I hope she remembers that even though their time together was brief, she made him happy in his last years here on earth. 

My "Advent"ure with Mary

My husband loves Christmas more than anyone else I have ever known. He will start listening to Christmas music as early as October, and watching Christmas movies as soon as he can. It's not that he wants Christmas gifts- he just simply loves Christmas.

I love Christmas too.  But, I think I love Advent even more. I love thinking about Mary, and how the angel visited her to tell her she was to have a son. I have always wondered if she felt confused and lonely, and unsure as to her future. The great thing about Mary to me is how she blindly trusted God and let him take control.  Every year I try to remember and reflect upon how her faith and obedience to God's plan for her became his ultimate plan for us all.

I know what others say about how we "worship" her, and nothing could be farther from the truth. We revere her - God revered her too. He chose her to be mother of his son. She was the one that was chosen out of every woman who ever lived to be the mother of his son. How can we not give her our love and respect?

My journey with Mary began long before I converted to Catholicism. Even as a child growing up in a Southern Baptist home, I always wondered why we only talked about her at Christmas. I almost got in trouble once when I was about 6 years old because of my little "devotion" to Mary.

We were in a Sunday School assembly right around Christmas in my little hometown church and the preacher came in to visit. He gave us an opportunity to ask questions, and it was the opportunity this shy little girl was waiting for. I innocently asked why we never mentioned Mary except at Christmas, and even though I have no recollection of how he answered me, I do remember feeling that I had brought up an uncomfortable issue.  Instead of making me forget her, it made me more interested in her.

Somehow, I got a statue of Mary when I was a kid. When I think of it now, I realize it is something of a mini-miracle. I was in a tiny town in South Carolina with no Catholic church and especially no Catholic  gift shop anywhere near me.  But I had that statue in my room for the longest time. I just looked at her and thought about how special she must have been to be the mother of the son of God.

Of course, now I realize God was preparing me for my conversion to Catholicism. I know he knew already that I would meet and marry an Italian Catholic boy and I would convert with my first child, my son, in my womb.

He knew I would need his Mary in my life when I faced my hardest trial. She lost her child and so did I.  Her loss became our gain. Because of her loss, I will see my child again.

"Savior of the nations, come; Virgin's Son, make here your home. 

Marvel now, both heav'n and earth, That the Lord chose such a birth.

Not by human flesh and blood, by the Spirit of our God

Was the Word of God made flesh, Mary's offspring, pure and fresh.

You, the Father's only Son, Have o'er sin the vict'ry won. 

Boundless shall your kingdom be; When shall we its glories see? 

Brightly does your manger shine; Glorious is its light divine.

Let not sin o'er cloud this light; Ever be our faith thus bright. "

Are we meaner than we used to be?

I'll be so glad when this election is over, and I almost feel the same way about football season at this point. It seems that politics and football bring out the worst in people. I cannot believe some of the ugly and personal remarks I have witnessed both on television and on social media this political season. It seems some people think social media gives them license to just be mean-spirited about the person they oppose. Never mind the issues, just trash the person.

It is not right, in my book. Gone are the days when people really sought to educate themselves on the issues, and discuss them rationally. We should really know what we are voting for when we go into that booth. It is vital that we look past the party and the personality, and try to discern the man or woman we think will represent us best in our state and in our nation.

Same goes with football. People are so mean about other people's teams. I am a great believer in rivalries. I think it is healthy and American to have sports rivalries. Haven't we seen enough already with two dead trees, and a so-called "fan" who is now a registered sex-offender for behaving like a jerk after the national championship? You even see little league parents getting into fist fights at their children's games.  I'm sure there are countless other examples, but these were fresh in my mind.

I read the news daily about children being abused, tortured and killed by strangers and even their own parents, in some cases. There are "gone missing" cases every day and our children are being bullied to the point of suicide.

We as Christians are called to show Christ to others in our lives. As Catholics, we are taught to "be Christ" to others. I try not to say too much on Facebook and Twitter about politics, although I do post about my favorite football teams!

Maybe someone might call me a chicken, for not stating my opinion on politics. I will say this, I am a Catholic and a Christian, and as such, I am pro-life. So my voting is very influenced by that issue. I believe in taking care of the poor and marginal, which is what my faith teaches. I try to be as Christ to all, and fall short every day of my life. But I try.

I pray that we as a society, will return to some sense of decorum and integrity. I hope we can learn to love each other, but if not, I hope we can at least respect each other's right to our own opinions, and learn to tolerate our differences.

Peace of Christ.

Growing in Grace (I dropped my lunch today)

I recounted this incident on Facebook right after it happened, but I will repeat it just the same.

This was my post:

"So, I was walking across the street from the parking lot to my office when the bottom of the Bath and Body Works paper bag I was recycling for my lunch bag gave way and my lunch went everywhere. I picked all of my lunch up, piece by piece off the ground and stuck it all in my gym bag until I could get inside. Someone said, "What a way to start the day!" I was actually really calm about it, because the thought struck me that I at least had a lunch to pick up. So, thank you Lord for the food you have given me today. And I pray for those who don't have anything to eat." As of this writing, 52 of my friends "liked" my post. 

I really kind of surprised myself, quite frankly. Usually,  I get really mad over little things like that, and have been known to utter a curse word I shouldn't utter on occasion. In other words, I don't have much patience with little things like traffic, dropping things, stubbing my toe or hitting my head. I am still mystified at why I reacted the way I did, but I am grateful I did. 

In retrospect, I hope that I am growing in grace. I have prayed that I would, and maybe the Lord is answering that prayer. 

Last Friday, I had the opportunity to ask forgiveness of a stranger (well, she is in my Zumba class, so she is not a complete stranger.) A while back, she and I had a little run-in at Zumba. Without going into details, I will admit I lost my patience (and my temper) and said something sort of mean to her. I didn't like her (or so I thought). I apologized, and she immediately apologized for what she had done, and then in the midst of our conversation I mentioned Lauren. As it turns out, she runs a hospice. She is also a grief counselor. Long story short, I told her I would be willing to talk to a grieving parent if I am needed. What a gift! I asked God to grant me opportunities to help others who are grieving. Those of us in the same "club" understand each other, and there were others who helped me. 

I hate to talk in cliches, but as I have heard it said in the past, "God isn't finished with me yet." I certainly hope not. I hope He will give me lots of opportunities to grow in grace.