Tomorrow is another day (and year)

Well, tomorrow marks 16 years since our beautiful Lauren went home. I miss her every moment of every day. It is not easy and it never will be, I am sure.

Last week, after we cleaned out our attic in our old home, so that the new tenants could move in, I went through and washed all of my kids' baby clothes so I could repack them. I got through that ok, but it is really hard to believe Lauren will be 35 this year. I wonder what type of woman my little girl would have turned out to be.

I am fairly certain, based on the fine man, husband and father that my son has become, she would be a valuable asset to our family and to society. She was a wonderful girl.

We were blessed with two of the best children anyone could ask for. They were the biggest blessings we ever had and now we just cherish the two grandchildren God has blessed us with.

Thank you Lord for our many blessings. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of these children's lives. Help us to be a positive, loving presence in our son, daughter-in-law and granddaughters’  lives. Amen

You do what you gotta do

Quarantine sucks. There I said it. Not being able to go to church, restaurants and stores is really not fun. Especially when we just missed the whole Holy Week and Easter celebrations. We had a trip to celebrate my husband’s aunt’s 90th birthday with his whole family set and that is off. We had a trip to the beach with my brother set and that is off. The world has turned into a crazy place. We can’t see friends, we have to stay 6 feet apart and have been wearing masks when we do go out. What on earth is going on? I have no answers to those questions, I just go along with the program.

On the plus side, we have gotten to spend time with the kids and grand kids. I think I would have gone crazy if not for that. We go walk at the park almost every day, so we are getting fresh air and exercise. We are pretty well settled in our new home and community. We like it here, and especially our church and our proximity to the kids. It has been good.

I still struggle with what Lauren might think about all this, but I feel like she would have been happy for us. I really do. I have to explain to everyone we meet that we lost a child, etc. but I am pretty used to that.

So, my excuse for not blogging? I have none.

So here are some pics that have made me pretty happy here lately.

All masked up at Lowe’s 

Easter Day! 

Took baths before our trip back home. 

Easter Egg hunt finds. 

When I’m 64

People have always told me that when you retire, you are busier than ever. They told me that and I frankly did not believe them. But well, here I am, not posting for months at a time. The truth is, we are relocating to be closer to the kids, and running back and forth from one house to the next from one state to another. It may or may not be a valid excuse, but we have been literally in the road for months.

I retired in June and we took a trip to see Richard’s family in July. Then I got back and my old boss needed help, so as soon as my 90 days were up, I started working part time for her. She has hired a young lady for my position now, so things are slowing down for them. Between all that we had the girls’ birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas and overseeing the building of our new house. So I guess I can slow down, once we get settled.

We “retired” from our music ministry at our old church and we are looking forward to “sitting in the pews” for a spell before we get back into something. We have been doing the music or 22 years and I feel like I need a little rest from that. I need a small sabbatical I think. 

This move has been more than emotionally draining for me and for Richard. I have cried more than I can tell you. Our son came for a last visit to the house this weekend, and he went through the attic and found some of his things. It was a big help to have him go through that stuff, but he found a note from his little sister, and I could not bring myself to read it. It is still stabbingly painful for me. I know Lauren would want us to be closer to her brother- not just for the kids, but for us too. We have no family where we live currently, and that makes you feel so isolated. It is an undertaking for our son to drag his whole family out to us and the same for us. It’s not really that far, but just far enough to be annoying as I always say. 

The area we are moving to is beautiful and about an hour from the kids. We will be able to help with them a lot more now that we are going to be closer. The church here is beautiful and the people there are very friendly. We have spent some time in the community and I think it is going to be a good fit for us. 

This is the year I turn 64. Maybe I will have slowed down a bit when I get there. 

Hard times are not forgotten...

It’s been a tough month so far. There have been wonderful things, and some not so easy things.

We celebrated Rosie’s 5th birthday this time. I am still in shock that she is already that big. We stayed with the kids for the birthday celebration, and when we are there, we sleep in Rosie’s room. That morning she popped up out of bed and said, “Mimi! It’s my birthday! I’m 5 years old!” She ran over to my bed and jumped in my arms to be held and cuddled. Those moments make life worth living.

We are getting ready to move closer to our kids, and I have been going through pictures again. I have a couple of picture projects brewing in this busy head of mine, and I know I will get them done as soon as it is possible. I found a picture of Lauren where she is wearing a beautiful red bow shaped like a rose in her hair. She and I both loved that bow so much.

I was cleaning out my nightstand and there it was... that beautiful bow. Seeing it in her hair on the photo and then seeing it in my hand was too much for me. Like I have described before, it is like being stabbed in the heart. I hurt all over and broke down crying. I know it is part of this whole process, but it does not make it any easier.

Sometimes I find myself saying things I should not say- something stupid or inappropriate for the situation I am in, and I just don’t know how it happens. I said something and immediately apologized and I think I was forgiven, but I couldn’t forgive myself so easily. I need to work on doing that better. In the scheme of things, it was just a stupid remark, but I hurt myself so deeply, because I felt so bad.

So I will concentrate on my sweet girl’s birthday, and how much I love them both. They are healing for me, as I have said before.

My sweet girls o their family birthday celebration. 

We love our big girl! 

A lot has happened

A lot has happened since retirement came around. We took a trip to Las Vegas to visit family and then came straight back to make a run to Birmingham to take care of our girls. They had a couple of days off from school and we went to take care of them. We celebrated our “Baby Shark” Vivian’s third birthday at the park and she started into her 3K program. Rosemary still has a while before her 5K program starts so we took care of her on the next Monday. She is now visiting with her other grandparents each day until school starts.

When people told me that you were busy during retirement, I did not believe them. RT and I are running around like chickens with our heads cut off, as they say here in the South. We are working on moving nearer to the kids, selling one house and building another. It brings a lot of stress, but as he tells me, “Enjoy the process.”

I’ve had a lot of mixed feelings about moving, but every time we visit our new town, I like it more. There is a lovely church here, that I think we will fit into just fine. I have worried about not being near Lauren’s grave, but I know I can go back to visit it as often as I like. After all, she is really not there. I will make sure it is taken care of, but I will bring her here with me. She is in my heart and no move or relocation can change that fact.

I am looking forward to being in a church where there are activities I can take part in and also have time to explore. I feel like being close to Aaron and his girls helps a lot. I know being able to watch them in their little school plays, dance recitals, church events and sports outings will be really good for us. I am really enjoying being a grandparent!

So, here are some photos of our recent goings on.
From our Las Vegas trip:

Richard, his brothers and their childhood friend, Rob

Siblings and in-laws

Clubhouse gals

Our precious 3 yr old!

My sweet Rosemary.

Ready or not

Well, retirement time has come and gone. The first week was a bit surreal, because the college where I worked was off for summer break, and I guess I would have been too.

Now I am home. Got my first retirement check and am looking forward to my first SS check. It is hard to believe it is here already.

I am not the “peanuts and punch” kind of gal, so no formal reception was held for me, per my own wishes. People asked if it could be done, but I said emphatically “No!” I had a taste of “being the center of attention” when Lauren died here in this small town and that was plenty enough for me.

Some people gave me small gifts anyway, and I graciously accepted them. I did go to lunch with my coworkers and another friend held a small lunch for us at her home. I had cake and coffee in a department I had worked closely with. So thank you notes have been sent and I am on to the next phase.

I had a nice dinner with my own family, which I thoroughly enjoyed.

For now, enjoy the photos...

Lunch with the crew

Dinner with the family

Lunch at a friend’s house

Just around the corner

Well, I'm 13 days away from retirement, and I couldn't be happier.  It is bittersweet, but to tell the truth, I am pretty tired and ready to enjoy myself.

I can't wait to NOT be overworked and expected to be on a deadline all the time. I am really tired of deadlines. They run my life.

I will miss my co-workers and the camaraderie with them, but I sincerely probably won't miss the work too much. I really love to write, but I want to write what I want to write.

I will really enjoy being able to go to Birmingham to see the girls when we get ready to, and not having to worry about "personal days" because every day will be a personal day!

So here's to retirement, and to our next step in the journey of life. Maybe I can do some of the volunteer work I have wanted to do, and maybe I can actually explore genealogy, like I have always wanted to do. I'm looking forward to finding out.

I'm ready!